The Gay 90's: Anime is fucking gay


In all my years of obsessively becoming a real Asian cute boy, there has always been something that I can absolutely just not get into. That would be anime. Or as I lovingly call it: anigay. You know, there is fruity and then there is frui-tay, and anime just always seemed to be one of those freaky thing I vehemently opposed. It doesn't have funny references to pop culture that I can understand (that Benny Hill reference in Family Guy remains #1) and half the time there are no subtitles, so it just makes having to learn the language THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. Why would I want to learn Japanese or Korean to watch an animated tv show about weirdo looking boys falling in love and denying it to themselves? OH WAIT CAUSE THAT'S MY LIFE.

It's strange. Anime has suddenly taken over my life. But I only like the really wacky ones where it's so not relatable to anything I ever experienced and that's how I keep my distance. If I can't relate, then I'm really not a super dork watching shit on my computer by myself at 2AM on a Saturday. But really, I have discovered I am dorky. And I like dorky things. And anime has rapidly become one of them.

Do you guys remember your token friend in high school who just LOVED anime? They watched it, in art class they drew it, in history class they were reading their manga instead of learning about the Industrial Revolution...that kid. We all loved to hate him but really, there was nothing to hate. 99% of the time, that kid was pretty awesome if you took away all the Asian influence. OH ALSO, how come all the anime fanatics I knew were WHITE BOYS? WTF is up with that? Why only white boys and super nerds? I'll tell you why: Because anime is the work of witch craft. And 75% of those nerds are now gay nerds attending Bennington College and running around free like an elven slut. Anime had a bigger following than The Grateful Dead in the 90's. It was everywhere. I remember going to Harvard Sq. when I was younger and there were like, 5 anime specialty shops just in that one like, parking garage turned shopping mall. And it was always filled.

AND NOW THERE ARE BOY LOVE ANIME! There is this whole like, sub-culture of gay anime love stories mostly written by teenage girls for other teenage girls...CUTE (Although kind of sad. That seems like the ultimate cock block). Apparently, the most famous one is called "Junjou Romantica" which I have begun to watch out of curiosity. That curiosity has now turned into a dangerous obsession. Is that what anime does to gay boys? It makes them depressed and lonely and asking "HEY WHERE IS MY TALL MASCULINE AZN WHO WILL PAY FOR ALL MY SHIT!?".

WTF, Japan. Seriously. You fucked up EVERYTHING.

Fag out to these:

Pigstar- Shodo

Madonna - Give It To Me

Tiesto - Kaleidoscope (ft. Jonsi of Sigur Ros)

Jojo - You Take Me (Around The World)

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