Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch pt V

Posted by YoungCreature / at 11:55 AM / /

Just five months ago, I wrote the original installation of Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch. I expected this to be a one time thing, mostly a joke, just goofing around. Poking fun at our society (both homo and heterocentric) and their need to order and organize people.

But then it kept coming.. and coming... and coming... the clues, the hints, the overt flaunting of lesbianism..

Our little lady keeps growing and growing, and as she does, the gayvibes just get stronger and stronger. My crush has grown to a disturbing (possibly Chris Hansen inducing) level, and I'm wondering when she's gonna buy a carabiner keychain.

Anyways, The Runaways made it's debut at Sundance this weekend, and Kristen Stewart! Interviews, the red carpet, standing next to Dakota Fanning, it's obvious how un-groomed for celebrity she is. Wearing a ratty hoody She's so wonderfully awkward, and you could make a severe drinking game out of how many sentences she's unable to finish (hint: all of them)





In the beginning of this video, you can see Kris walking the carpet, and she spies the interviewers out of the corner of her eye. She tries to avoid eye contact and make a beeline for the exit, as her .. manager? mom? chaperone? who knows .. escorts her towards them muttering "you've gotta... you gotta..." Poor thing! It's nearly painful to watch her being interviewed. You know she just wants to go home and listen to some 'vintage' sleater-kinney and be done with it.

She geeks out about spending so much time with Joan Jett and what an inspiration she is to her, but the real goodies start at 1:30.
First, an interviewer asks her if it's "great to be a rock chick", which is just a stupid question altogether, but Kris' smirk and "Yeahhh......" is worth your time. Then, and you can hardly hear the question, but someone asks what it was like "getting it on" with Dakota Fanning... I can't even describe how amazingly adorable her stuttering answer is... "Uh it's just uh something we like.. did....."




This video shows the obvious difference between Dakota and Kristen as celebrities. You can tell that Dakota is trying really hard to seem relaxed and not polished and coached,and Kristen is trying not to run out of the room screaming. Dakota's like "i'm wearing a leather jacket! feel my rebellion!!" and Kristen's like "is there a Good Vibes around here?"

The interviewer asks about the kissing scene at around 2:38, and this is so so so good. Kristen shakes her head and goes "it was horrible! ... I hated doing it", after which they both look at each other and laugh. Dakota seems kind of annoyed and says "she's kidding, everybody...." before Kstew tries to lovingly calm her down for insulting her, to which she pulls away going "No!! What???". The final verdict on the kiss from miss thing herself? "It was cool"



Finally, we have Kris gushing about the strength of her mentor and possible older lady crush object Joan Jett. The key to this final video is to insert the word "lesbian" any time she pauses awkwardly (@ :11, :16, :26, + :28). It totally works! ok, ok, the last one, you'd need to insert "was a lesbian". my bad. either way, it's so clear that she's trying to say that Joan Jett is an inspiration to dyke bitches everywhere. She has to make it look like a film with feminist undertones, instead of a big old lez fest. Understood, Kris, I smell what you're cooking.

I'm totally going to fight the hordes of teen girls to see this on opening night. I'll bring a flask, some mace, and a signed picture of Robert Pattinson to ward them off if need be, but I will be there. I might dress up, maybe take pictures... then maybe get arrested for taking pictures of teen girls dressed as Cherie Curie... get a talkin' to by Chris Hanson.. drink some ice tea....

or... maybe it'll leak online first! and I'll be sure to share the link if one pops up.
Come on nerds, hook us up!!

History! KStew Dyke Watch parts 1 - 2 - 3 and 4