The Gay 90's: You're Standing On My Neck

Posted by YoungCreature / at 7:45 AM / /

In the 90's at Lawndale High, there was only 1 person I had my eye on for 5 years (2 if you count Trent. Or 3 if you count Tom Sloane). From 1997 until its end in 2002, Daria was the queen of cool. We just never knew how much since she was always relegated to the background in Beavis And Butthead.

In 1998, I was a little boy starting at a new school with no friends. Yes, my dears, I went to a private college prep school in flashy Weston, Massachusetts. And I knew from the first 5 minutes I was there that I was already the biggest freak ever. From then until I dropped out in 2000, Daria was my queer kid bible. What people should've actually have been saying to me instead of the usual role call of horrible insults and shit (Of course, I had my own Kanye West when in 1999, I revealed to a horrified crowd that our school didn't give 2 fucks about diversity. Uh, we had a DRESS CODE. Hello!? Go me). Daria was the beginning to a self-confidence not even I could grow on my own. I'm barely 5'8", I have bigger worries.

Daria was just plain cool. A fish in a pond too small for her. Though she was always so hyper-realistic about her surroundings, when I watch old episodes now, Daria had a pretty good life. She had crazy parents who in the end, deeply care for her and a shallow sister, who by the end of the show's run, started to shake off her materialistic shackles. Her best friend Jane was the type of bitch I would've killed to have as BFF back in my formative years. She was the first representation of an artist where I went "Hell yeah, that's what I want to be". I should've been more specific. However, Jane is a down ass bitch who always has your back unless you steal her boyfriend from the right side of the tracks.

Remember the episode where Daria goes to her first huge party at Brittany's? There she decides between flat and ridged potato chips, meetsguys who are interested in her (too bad they're boneheads), and hitches a ride home with Upchuck. WTF KIND OF LiFE IS THAT? It's perfect. The perfect high school experience. Not too downer and the right amount of irony. Daria had it all man. AND HER FIRST BOYFRIEND. Tom Sloane originally belonged to Jane before he ditched her for Daria Town. And it was so awkward to watch. But it was important, because the show actually showed experiences teenagers had to deal with. Do I want to have sex with my boyfriend? And if so, what day and time should we plan it for? Do his parents like me? Should I go to Bromwell College? All the stuff that we as teens would stress out over. Back in REAL LIFE, high school was the opposite. Not cool at all and I definitely felt smarter than 90% of the company I kept. OK, not smarter, but definitely like, nobody gets me, so why should I even bother. I was the Daria of my school. Even my frienemies said that to me. Which I guess if that personifies someone who doesn't give a fuck, listens to NOT Dave Matthews Band, and hated his adoloescence, then that'd be me! But what-the-fuck-ever, the same boner who told me that ALSO had a crush on Quinn. Being weird vs. having a crush on a cartoon character, which is weirder?

However, the best part of the show? THE MUSIC. From the opening theme done by Splendora to all the 90's alt rock bands heard (Blur, Fiona Apple, Will Smith back when "Gettin' Jiggy With It" was my JAM), Daria was a cool 5 steps ahead of everyone else. My sister and I used to count how many weird, out-of-place pop songs we'd hear in an episode and then attempt to recreate the entire playlist of the show for ourselves.

When it ended in 2002, Daria had unloaded many lessons upon my husky fat-teen body. The only dumb bitch who can bring you down is your dumbass self. Not everyone is a crazy loser. Learning is actually cool. There is an alternative to the norm. I'm actually not weird. It was heartbreaking to see a piece of history go. Something I could identify with so greatly because in some ways, I was living in Bizarro-Lawndale. But the greatest lesson I learned was from the closing remarks of the show, where Daria is standing at the podium giving her speech for winning some whatever academic award. And her last words are that "there is no moment in life that can't be improved with pizza". I've been stuffing pizza in my face for 8 years. Daria, wherever you are in cartoon post-college world, I hope you're doing great.

Splendora - You're Standing On My Neck

Blur - Boys and Girls

The Donnas - Skintight


Skip to the 5:00 minute mark.