We all did it, knew someone that did it, or knew vaguely of it. I'm not talking about meth, vogueing, spandex bike shorts, or secretly buying the NSYNC christmas album. No. I'm talking about WITCHCRAFT.
The 90's was a very huge time of learning identity. People were coming out, going back in the closet, species were being discovered (I was REALLY into dinosaurs, alright? Leave me alone). But the weirdest trend? TEEN WITCHCRAFT. Paganism, Wicca, earth mama, whatever you want to call it, witches were popping up all over the fucking place. Sidenote: One time I called a dude a warlock and was on the receiving end of the gayest rant ever about how Warlocks were actually evil or yada yada yada. I was TALKING about THIS Warlock, stupid.
Anyways, it did predate the whole "going green" thing didn't it? Nature. Treat others how you want to be treated. Don't harm no motherfuckers unless you want to go to the unspeakable place. Or something. Actually, as I remember, shit came back like, 1308103810 worse for you if you say, cast a spell where you willed someone to fall down a flight of stairs. I've been paying for that shit ever since 1997. DON'T CAST EVIL SPELLS. Of course nowadays, we lack nice witches. Everyone is into ghosts. Ghosthunting. Demons. Chip Coffey. It's all about the supernatural instead of paying attention to the natural shit around us. We have real lives to tend to. We don't have cameras and red lighting and gay mediums and all that shit. NO. Back then, all witches had was nature, elastic waist earth tone ankle skirts, ill-fitting tank tops, and hella books. THEY PREDATED THE INTERNET.
Which is why, readers, I PRAISE the 90's witch. They should be honored, presented with medals, given a gift certificate to a vegan/vegetarian friendly hip-but-not-too-hip bistro, and a hummer in a hummer. Those bitches knew how to apply beliefs to REAL LIFE instead of taking shit so literally.
Go on with your badass self, 90's witches.
Stevie Nicks - Edge Of Seventeen
The Knife - Rock Classics
Kate Bush - Waking The Witch
I seriously cannot say no to Chip Coffey.
The Gay 90's: Burn her, throw her in the river!
The Gay 90's: You're Standing On My Neck
In the 90's at Lawndale High, there was only 1 person I had my eye on for 5 years (2 if you count Trent. Or 3 if you count Tom Sloane). From 1997 until its end in 2002, Daria was the queen of cool. We just never knew how much since she was always relegated to the background in Beavis And Butthead.
In 1998, I was a little boy starting at a new school with no friends. Yes, my dears, I went to a private college prep school in flashy Weston, Massachusetts. And I knew from the first 5 minutes I was there that I was already the biggest freak ever. From then until I dropped out in 2000, Daria was my queer kid bible. What people should've actually have been saying to me instead of the usual role call of horrible insults and shit (Of course, I had my own Kanye West when in 1999, I revealed to a horrified crowd that our school didn't give 2 fucks about diversity. Uh, we had a DRESS CODE. Hello!? Go me). Daria was the beginning to a self-confidence not even I could grow on my own. I'm barely 5'8", I have bigger worries.
Daria was just plain cool. A fish in a pond too small for her. Though she was always so hyper-realistic about her surroundings, when I watch old episodes now, Daria had a pretty good life. She had crazy parents who in the end, deeply care for her and a shallow sister, who by the end of the show's run, started to shake off her materialistic shackles. Her best friend Jane was the type of bitch I would've killed to have as BFF back in my formative years. She was the first representation of an artist where I went "Hell yeah, that's what I want to be". I should've been more specific. However, Jane is a down ass bitch who always has your back unless you steal her boyfriend from the right side of the tracks.
Remember the episode where Daria goes to her first huge party at Brittany's? There she decides between flat and ridged potato chips, meetsguys who are interested in her (too bad they're boneheads), and hitches a ride home with Upchuck. WTF KIND OF LiFE IS THAT? It's perfect. The perfect high school experience. Not too downer and the right amount of irony. Daria had it all man. AND HER FIRST BOYFRIEND. Tom Sloane originally belonged to Jane before he ditched her for Daria Town. And it was so awkward to watch. But it was important, because the show actually showed experiences teenagers had to deal with. Do I want to have sex with my boyfriend? And if so, what day and time should we plan it for? Do his parents like me? Should I go to Bromwell College? All the stuff that we as teens would stress out over. Back in REAL LIFE, high school was the opposite. Not cool at all and I definitely felt smarter than 90% of the company I kept. OK, not smarter, but definitely like, nobody gets me, so why should I even bother. I was the Daria of my school. Even my frienemies said that to me. Which I guess if that personifies someone who doesn't give a fuck, listens to NOT Dave Matthews Band, and hated his adoloescence, then that'd be me! But what-the-fuck-ever, the same boner who told me that ALSO had a crush on Quinn. Being weird vs. having a crush on a cartoon character, which is weirder?
However, the best part of the show? THE MUSIC. From the opening theme done by Splendora to all the 90's alt rock bands heard (Blur, Fiona Apple, Will Smith back when "Gettin' Jiggy With It" was my JAM), Daria was a cool 5 steps ahead of everyone else. My sister and I used to count how many weird, out-of-place pop songs we'd hear in an episode and then attempt to recreate the entire playlist of the show for ourselves.
When it ended in 2002, Daria had unloaded many lessons upon my husky fat-teen body. The only dumb bitch who can bring you down is your dumbass self. Not everyone is a crazy loser. Learning is actually cool. There is an alternative to the norm. I'm actually not weird. It was heartbreaking to see a piece of history go. Something I could identify with so greatly because in some ways, I was living in Bizarro-Lawndale. But the greatest lesson I learned was from the closing remarks of the show, where Daria is standing at the podium giving her speech for winning some whatever academic award. And her last words are that "there is no moment in life that can't be improved with pizza". I've been stuffing pizza in my face for 8 years. Daria, wherever you are in cartoon post-college world, I hope you're doing great.
Splendora - You're Standing On My Neck
Blur - Boys and Girls
The Donnas - Skintight
Skip to the 5:00 minute mark.
The Gay 90's: Manic Panic
We all did it. Every faggot who grew up in the 90's had the same uphill struggle to overcome. That, my dear friends, was the freedom to dye your hair ugly colors with the semi-permission of your parents (Or in my case, it was doing it anyways and my Dad being more angry that I stained the tub. WTF, Dad?). I definately was guilty of using that shit. Vampire Red was my best friend. And then everyone who put that shit on their head realized "Oh wait, this shit sucks. It stays in for a week before I gotta reapply". WHAT WAS A FAGGOT TO DO TO KEEP HIS LUSTROUS LOCKS FIRE ENGINE RED?
That's right, we moved onto:
SPECIAL EFFECTS USA IS THE SHIT. It stayed in forever, was easy to bleach off porcelain, and it made my parents even angrier cause that shit does not fade. And if you ever went to the Boston Gay Prom or whatever the cock that shit is/was (Seriously, don't ever go), you couldn't see anyone who didn't have some sort of gay ass streak of blue or a whole head of pink. Whatever. The point is, gays love to dye their hair wacky colors. And the 90's was no different.
My mom's ex-boyfriend (Who is a total douchebag. Seriously, I hate older people who try too hard to act young) used to call me Metallica until one time I asked him if he even knew who Metallica was. Could he name the members? Could he name an album OTHER than "Kill 'Em All" or "Ride The Lightning"? NO, he could NOT. And that was a victory for every faggot with blue hair in 2002. So fuck you.
DatA - Rapture (ft. Sebastien Grainger)
Dan Black - U + Me
Shalamar - Take That To The Bank
And for everyone's amusement:
Blah blah blah, photo by Kris, blah blah blah. Like, 1 of maybe 15 photos taken of me from 1998-2003.
The Gay 90's: Manic Panic
We all did it. Every faggot who grew up in the 90's had the same uphill struggle to overcome. That, my dear friends, was the freedom to dye your hair ugly colors with the semi-permission of your parents (Or in my case, it was doing it anyways and my Dad being more angry that I stained the tub. WTF, Dad?). I definately was guilty of using that shit. Vampire Red was my best friend. And then everyone who put that shit on their head realized "Oh wait, this shit sucks. It stays in for a week before I gotta reapply". WHAT WAS A FAGGOT TO DO TO KEEP HIS LUSTROUS LOCKS FIRE ENGINE RED?
That's right, we moved onto:
SPECIAL EFFECTS USA IS THE SHIT. It stayed in forever, was easy to bleach off porcelain, and it made my parents even angrier cause that shit does not fade. And if you ever went to the Boston Gay Prom or whatever the cock that shit is/was (Seriously, don't ever go), you couldn't see anyone who didn't have some sort of gay ass streak of blue or a whole head of pink. Whatever. The point is, gays love to dye their hair wacky colors. And the 90's was no different.
My mom's ex-boyfriend (Who is a total douchebag. Seriously, I hate older people who try too hard to act young) used to call me Metallica until one time I asked him if he even knew who Metallica was. Could he name the members? Could he name an album OTHER than "Kill 'Em All" or "Ride The Lightning"? NO, he could NOT. And that was a victory for every faggot with blue hair in 2002. So fuck you.
DatA - Rapture (ft. Sebastien Grainger)
Dan Black - U + Me
Shalamar - Take That To The Bank
And for everyone's amusement:
Blah blah blah, photo by Kris, blah blah blah. Like, 1 of maybe 15 photos taken of me from 1998-2003.
The Gay 90's: Manic Panic
We all did it. Every faggot who grew up in the 90's had the same uphill struggle to overcome. That, my dear friends, was the freedom to dye your hair ugly colors with the semi-permission of your parents (Or in my case, it was doing it anyways and my Dad being more angry that I stained the tub. WTF, Dad?). I definately was guilty of using that shit. Vampire Red was my best friend. And then everyone who put that shit on their head realized "Oh wait, this shit sucks. It stays in for a week before I gotta reapply". WHAT WAS A FAGGOT TO DO TO KEEP HIS LUSTROUS LOCKS FIRE ENGINE RED?
That's right, we moved onto:
SPECIAL EFFECTS USA IS THE SHIT. It stayed in forever, was easy to bleach off porcelain, and it made my parents even angrier cause that shit does not fade. And if you ever went to the Boston Gay Prom or whatever the cock that shit is/was (Seriously, don't ever go), you couldn't see anyone who didn't have some sort of gay ass streak of blue or a whole head of pink. Whatever. The point is, gays love to dye their hair wacky colors. And the 90's was no different.
My mom's ex-boyfriend (Who is a total douchebag. Seriously, I hate older people who try too hard to act young) used to call me Metallica until one time I asked him if he even knew who Metallica was. Could he name the members? Could he name an album OTHER than "Kill 'Em All" or "Ride The Lightning"? NO, he could NOT. And that was a victory for every faggot with blue hair in 2002. So fuck you.
DatA - Rapture (ft. Sebastien Grainger)
Dan Black - U + Me
Shalamar - Take That To The Bank
And for everyone's amusement:
Blah blah blah, photo by Kris, blah blah blah. Like, 1 of maybe 15 photos taken of me from 1998-2003.
The Gay 90's: Anime is fucking gay
In all my years of obsessively becoming a real Asian cute boy, there has always been something that I can absolutely just not get into. That would be anime. Or as I lovingly call it: anigay. You know, there is fruity and then there is frui-tay, and anime just always seemed to be one of those freaky thing I vehemently opposed. It doesn't have funny references to pop culture that I can understand (that Benny Hill reference in Family Guy remains #1) and half the time there are no subtitles, so it just makes having to learn the language THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. Why would I want to learn Japanese or Korean to watch an animated tv show about weirdo looking boys falling in love and denying it to themselves? OH WAIT CAUSE THAT'S MY LIFE.
It's strange. Anime has suddenly taken over my life. But I only like the really wacky ones where it's so not relatable to anything I ever experienced and that's how I keep my distance. If I can't relate, then I'm really not a super dork watching shit on my computer by myself at 2AM on a Saturday. But really, I have discovered I am dorky. And I like dorky things. And anime has rapidly become one of them.
Do you guys remember your token friend in high school who just LOVED anime? They watched it, in art class they drew it, in history class they were reading their manga instead of learning about the Industrial Revolution...that kid. We all loved to hate him but really, there was nothing to hate. 99% of the time, that kid was pretty awesome if you took away all the Asian influence. OH ALSO, how come all the anime fanatics I knew were WHITE BOYS? WTF is up with that? Why only white boys and super nerds? I'll tell you why: Because anime is the work of witch craft. And 75% of those nerds are now gay nerds attending Bennington College and running around free like an elven slut. Anime had a bigger following than The Grateful Dead in the 90's. It was everywhere. I remember going to Harvard Sq. when I was younger and there were like, 5 anime specialty shops just in that one like, parking garage turned shopping mall. And it was always filled.
AND NOW THERE ARE BOY LOVE ANIME! There is this whole like, sub-culture of gay anime love stories mostly written by teenage girls for other teenage girls...CUTE (Although kind of sad. That seems like the ultimate cock block). Apparently, the most famous one is called "Junjou Romantica" which I have begun to watch out of curiosity. That curiosity has now turned into a dangerous obsession. Is that what anime does to gay boys? It makes them depressed and lonely and asking "HEY WHERE IS MY TALL MASCULINE AZN WHO WILL PAY FOR ALL MY SHIT!?".
WTF, Japan. Seriously. You fucked up EVERYTHING.
Fag out to these:
Pigstar- Shodo
Madonna - Give It To Me
Tiesto - Kaleidoscope (ft. Jonsi of Sigur Ros)
Jojo - You Take Me (Around The World)
The Gay 90's: Anime is fucking gay
In all my years of obsessively becoming a real Asian cute boy, there has always been something that I can absolutely just not get into. That would be anime. Or as I lovingly call it: anigay. You know, there is fruity and then there is frui-tay, and anime just always seemed to be one of those freaky thing I vehemently opposed. It doesn't have funny references to pop culture that I can understand (that Benny Hill reference in Family Guy remains #1) and half the time there are no subtitles, so it just makes having to learn the language THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. Why would I want to learn Japanese or Korean to watch an animated tv show about weirdo looking boys falling in love and denying it to themselves? OH WAIT CAUSE THAT'S MY LIFE.
It's strange. Anime has suddenly taken over my life. But I only like the really wacky ones where it's so not relatable to anything I ever experienced and that's how I keep my distance. If I can't relate, then I'm really not a super dork watching shit on my computer by myself at 2AM on a Saturday. But really, I have discovered I am dorky. And I like dorky things. And anime has rapidly become one of them.
Do you guys remember your token friend in high school who just LOVED anime? They watched it, in art class they drew it, in history class they were reading their manga instead of learning about the Industrial Revolution...that kid. We all loved to hate him but really, there was nothing to hate. 99% of the time, that kid was pretty awesome if you took away all the Asian influence. OH ALSO, how come all the anime fanatics I knew were WHITE BOYS? WTF is up with that? Why only white boys and super nerds? I'll tell you why: Because anime is the work of witch craft. And 75% of those nerds are now gay nerds attending Bennington College and running around free like an elven slut. Anime had a bigger following than The Grateful Dead in the 90's. It was everywhere. I remember going to Harvard Sq. when I was younger and there were like, 5 anime specialty shops just in that one like, parking garage turned shopping mall. And it was always filled.
AND NOW THERE ARE BOY LOVE ANIME! There is this whole like, sub-culture of gay anime love stories mostly written by teenage girls for other teenage girls...CUTE (Although kind of sad. That seems like the ultimate cock block). Apparently, the most famous one is called "Junjou Romantica" which I have begun to watch out of curiosity. That curiosity has now turned into a dangerous obsession. Is that what anime does to gay boys? It makes them depressed and lonely and asking "HEY WHERE IS MY TALL MASCULINE AZN WHO WILL PAY FOR ALL MY SHIT!?".
WTF, Japan. Seriously. You fucked up EVERYTHING.
Fag out to these:
Pigstar- Shodo
Madonna - Give It To Me
Tiesto - Kaleidoscope (ft. Jonsi of Sigur Ros)
Jojo - You Take Me (Around The World)
The Gay 90's: Anime is fucking gay
In all my years of obsessively becoming a real Asian cute boy, there has always been something that I can absolutely just not get into. That would be anime. Or as I lovingly call it: anigay. You know, there is fruity and then there is frui-tay, and anime just always seemed to be one of those freaky thing I vehemently opposed. It doesn't have funny references to pop culture that I can understand (that Benny Hill reference in Family Guy remains #1) and half the time there are no subtitles, so it just makes having to learn the language THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. Why would I want to learn Japanese or Korean to watch an animated tv show about weirdo looking boys falling in love and denying it to themselves? OH WAIT CAUSE THAT'S MY LIFE.
It's strange. Anime has suddenly taken over my life. But I only like the really wacky ones where it's so not relatable to anything I ever experienced and that's how I keep my distance. If I can't relate, then I'm really not a super dork watching shit on my computer by myself at 2AM on a Saturday. But really, I have discovered I am dorky. And I like dorky things. And anime has rapidly become one of them.
Do you guys remember your token friend in high school who just LOVED anime? They watched it, in art class they drew it, in history class they were reading their manga instead of learning about the Industrial Revolution...that kid. We all loved to hate him but really, there was nothing to hate. 99% of the time, that kid was pretty awesome if you took away all the Asian influence. OH ALSO, how come all the anime fanatics I knew were WHITE BOYS? WTF is up with that? Why only white boys and super nerds? I'll tell you why: Because anime is the work of witch craft. And 75% of those nerds are now gay nerds attending Bennington College and running around free like an elven slut. Anime had a bigger following than The Grateful Dead in the 90's. It was everywhere. I remember going to Harvard Sq. when I was younger and there were like, 5 anime specialty shops just in that one like, parking garage turned shopping mall. And it was always filled.
AND NOW THERE ARE BOY LOVE ANIME! There is this whole like, sub-culture of gay anime love stories mostly written by teenage girls for other teenage girls...CUTE (Although kind of sad. That seems like the ultimate cock block). Apparently, the most famous one is called "Junjou Romantica" which I have begun to watch out of curiosity. That curiosity has now turned into a dangerous obsession. Is that what anime does to gay boys? It makes them depressed and lonely and asking "HEY WHERE IS MY TALL MASCULINE AZN WHO WILL PAY FOR ALL MY SHIT!?".
WTF, Japan. Seriously. You fucked up EVERYTHING.
Fag out to these:
Pigstar- Shodo
Madonna - Give It To Me
Tiesto - Kaleidoscope (ft. Jonsi of Sigur Ros)
Jojo - You Take Me (Around The World)
The Gay 90's: Jock Jams
In the 90's, Jock Jams was like, the best compilation album ever (until we got "Now That's What I Call Music!" volumes 1-7 and nothing after that). Everyone liked it because it was a 20 something CD of individual songs we didn't want to drop $14 for all on one CD. Yes, Jock Jams was our saving grace. It also was the soundtrack to super beefy muscle gym bunnies but no limited to. Who remembers being a teen in the 90's getting buck to Amber, 2 Unlimited, and C + C Music Factory? Because that pretty much was my entire childhood. I also remember Jock Jams being even cooler cause it was endorsed by MTV before MTV because the lamest channel ever created. Seriously, they should've just put Simon Rex's nudie shots on the cover and boom, all 6 volumes would've gone platinumzzzzz. For the girls and the girrrllls.
And it was even funnier cause the gays (or at least the like, 10-15 year old phags I knew AND YES YOU CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE 10) went buck for it. Cause boiled all down, it was just crazy club jams and like, cheerleader chants remixed to 90's house beats and shit. What wasn't to love? Nowadays we have so many compilation albums geared towards commercial club music for trixie gays that it's just like, seriously WTF? "100% Hits"? Ministry Of Sound? Global Underground? When is American gonna go back to its roots? The fucking easy schmeezy not-remixed-by-Junior Vasquez-20-songs-I-like Jock Jams? NOT HARD TO DO.
BOYCOTT!
(Also, my street corner is somehow the gayest corner in Chicago. I just heard a car blasting Paradiso Girls).
Next - Too Close
Amber - This Is Your Night
No Mercy - Where Do You Go
The Gay 90's: Jock Jams
In the 90's, Jock Jams was like, the best compilation album ever (until we got "Now That's What I Call Music!" volumes 1-7 and nothing after that). Everyone liked it because it was a 20 something CD of individual songs we didn't want to drop $14 for all on one CD. Yes, Jock Jams was our saving grace. It also was the soundtrack to super beefy muscle gym bunnies but no limited to. Who remembers being a teen in the 90's getting buck to Amber, 2 Unlimited, and C + C Music Factory? Because that pretty much was my entire childhood. I also remember Jock Jams being even cooler cause it was endorsed by MTV before MTV because the lamest channel ever created. Seriously, they should've just put Simon Rex's nudie shots on the cover and boom, all 6 volumes would've gone platinumzzzzz. For the girls and the girrrllls.
And it was even funnier cause the gays (or at least the like, 10-15 year old phags I knew AND YES YOU CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE 10) went buck for it. Cause boiled all down, it was just crazy club jams and like, cheerleader chants remixed to 90's house beats and shit. What wasn't to love? Nowadays we have so many compilation albums geared towards commercial club music for trixie gays that it's just like, seriously WTF? "100% Hits"? Ministry Of Sound? Global Underground? When is American gonna go back to its roots? The fucking easy schmeezy not-remixed-by-Junior Vasquez-20-songs-I-like Jock Jams? NOT HARD TO DO.
BOYCOTT!
(Also, my street corner is somehow the gayest corner in Chicago. I just heard a car blasting Paradiso Girls).
Next - Too Close
Amber - This Is Your Night
No Mercy - Where Do You Go
The Gay 90's: Jock Jams
In the 90's, Jock Jams was like, the best compilation album ever (until we got "Now That's What I Call Music!" volumes 1-7 and nothing after that). Everyone liked it because it was a 20 something CD of individual songs we didn't want to drop $14 for all on one CD. Yes, Jock Jams was our saving grace. It also was the soundtrack to super beefy muscle gym bunnies but no limited to. Who remembers being a teen in the 90's getting buck to Amber, 2 Unlimited, and C + C Music Factory? Because that pretty much was my entire childhood. I also remember Jock Jams being even cooler cause it was endorsed by MTV before MTV because the lamest channel ever created. Seriously, they should've just put Simon Rex's nudie shots on the cover and boom, all 6 volumes would've gone platinumzzzzz. For the girls and the girrrllls.
And it was even funnier cause the gays (or at least the like, 10-15 year old phags I knew AND YES YOU CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE 10) went buck for it. Cause boiled all down, it was just crazy club jams and like, cheerleader chants remixed to 90's house beats and shit. What wasn't to love? Nowadays we have so many compilation albums geared towards commercial club music for trixie gays that it's just like, seriously WTF? "100% Hits"? Ministry Of Sound? Global Underground? When is American gonna go back to its roots? The fucking easy schmeezy not-remixed-by-Junior Vasquez-20-songs-I-like Jock Jams? NOT HARD TO DO.
BOYCOTT!
(Also, my street corner is somehow the gayest corner in Chicago. I just heard a car blasting Paradiso Girls).
Next - Too Close
Amber - This Is Your Night
No Mercy - Where Do You Go
The Gay 90's: Clueless Cake Boys
The 90's was a time of cultural explosions: raves were in, torn baggy jeans, and bands like The Cranberries ruled the airwaves. On top of this, a little film called "Clueless" was released in 1995 to rave reviews and brought to light a whole new sub community: the obscuro-fag (gay dudes who literally belong in a totally different decade). As I recall, Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz, tries to seduce a young newly transferred boy named Christian time and time again to no success. Oh man, I also totally forgot that it's the first time I ever heard "cake boy" used to describe a gay person. And frankly, what's wrong with cake? Absolutely nothing. If you don't like cake, you're pretty much a terrorist in my book.
Christian was played by a young actor named Justin Walker, who to this day has not had any other success (look it up on Wikipedia, he literally has done no film work since 2005 and it was a Clueless documentary). WHATEVER. We all swooned over Christian and his fashionable ways, his cute bucket seat vintage car, and his Billie Holiday CDs on stereo blast. It's not Cher's fault she didn't know who Billie was, she's a valley girl of the 90s. We were all listening to like, No Mercy, Ace Of Base, and random assorted club compilation albums. But Christian was different. He liked to watch Spartacus, was oblivious to Cher's cookie dough roll, and had cold feet instead of a hard dick. He chivalrously saved Tai Frasier from plummeting to her death at the mall cause 2 meathead bros didn't understand "no". He was a cake boy through and through and for that, we love Justin Walker as Christian Stovitz. He was an obscuro-fag through and through, rejecting/oblivious to present trends and getting his mack on with other cake boys at parties The Mighty Mighty Bosstones happen to be playing.
Supergrass - Alright
Jill Sobule - Supermodel
The Gay 90's: Clueless Cake Boys
The 90's was a time of cultural explosions: raves were in, torn baggy jeans, and bands like The Cranberries ruled the airwaves. On top of this, a little film called "Clueless" was released in 1995 to rave reviews and brought to light a whole new sub community: the obscuro-fag (gay dudes who literally belong in a totally different decade). As I recall, Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz, tries to seduce a young newly transferred boy named Christian time and time again to no success. Oh man, I also totally forgot that it's the first time I ever heard "cake boy" used to describe a gay person. And frankly, what's wrong with cake? Absolutely nothing. If you don't like cake, you're pretty much a terrorist in my book.
Christian was played by a young actor named Justin Walker, who to this day has not had any other success (look it up on Wikipedia, he literally has done no film work since 2005 and it was a Clueless documentary). WHATEVER. We all swooned over Christian and his fashionable ways, his cute bucket seat vintage car, and his Billie Holiday CDs on stereo blast. It's not Cher's fault she didn't know who Billie was, she's a valley girl of the 90s. We were all listening to like, No Mercy, Ace Of Base, and random assorted club compilation albums. But Christian was different. He liked to watch Spartacus, was oblivious to Cher's cookie dough roll, and had cold feet instead of a hard dick. He chivalrously saved Tai Frasier from plummeting to her death at the mall cause 2 meathead bros didn't understand "no". He was a cake boy through and through and for that, we love Justin Walker as Christian Stovitz. He was an obscuro-fag through and through, rejecting/oblivious to present trends and getting his mack on with other cake boys at parties The Mighty Mighty Bosstones happen to be playing.
Supergrass - Alright
Jill Sobule - Supermodel
The Gay 90's: Clueless Cake Boys
The 90's was a time of cultural explosions: raves were in, torn baggy jeans, and bands like The Cranberries ruled the airwaves. On top of this, a little film called "Clueless" was released in 1995 to rave reviews and brought to light a whole new sub community: the obscuro-fag (gay dudes who literally belong in a totally different decade). As I recall, Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz, tries to seduce a young newly transferred boy named Christian time and time again to no success. Oh man, I also totally forgot that it's the first time I ever heard "cake boy" used to describe a gay person. And frankly, what's wrong with cake? Absolutely nothing. If you don't like cake, you're pretty much a terrorist in my book.
Christian was played by a young actor named Justin Walker, who to this day has not had any other success (look it up on Wikipedia, he literally has done no film work since 2005 and it was a Clueless documentary). WHATEVER. We all swooned over Christian and his fashionable ways, his cute bucket seat vintage car, and his Billie Holiday CDs on stereo blast. It's not Cher's fault she didn't know who Billie was, she's a valley girl of the 90s. We were all listening to like, No Mercy, Ace Of Base, and random assorted club compilation albums. But Christian was different. He liked to watch Spartacus, was oblivious to Cher's cookie dough roll, and had cold feet instead of a hard dick. He chivalrously saved Tai Frasier from plummeting to her death at the mall cause 2 meathead bros didn't understand "no". He was a cake boy through and through and for that, we love Justin Walker as Christian Stovitz. He was an obscuro-fag through and through, rejecting/oblivious to present trends and getting his mack on with other cake boys at parties The Mighty Mighty Bosstones happen to be playing.
Supergrass - Alright
Jill Sobule - Supermodel