Zac Efron has a hot body, but the only thing wrong is his creepy as fuck baby face. 9 year old boy face does not belong on 20-something fully developed MAN BODY. Those abs! That bushy-but-not-too-bushy treasure trail. His HAIR. It's too much. In Korea, they have something called "Aegyo", which roughly translates from Tae-Youngese into "unbearable infuriating cuteness". It is enough to send ANYONE into a rage, gay, straight, or already angered. It should be illegal for him to be seen in public until he reaches the riper age of 30. His face is too unbearable to handle. It's like he crawled out of the womb and banged some shit up on his way out TO HIS COMPLETE ADVANTAGE. Whatever happened to men being men? When did everything get so difficult? On average, I find myself drooling over boys a million times a week and about half of those turn out to be lesbians. And they're hot. I'm already confused enough, the last (Or first) thing I need is to fall in love with a lesbian I was convinced was a boy. Which might explain a lot about Zac. Anyone remember that South Park episode? In the end, I don't want to fuck a baby. It's illegal and creepy. Zac Efron's face is enough of a warrant to stay away before I end up on To Catch A Predator. The only thing that is keeping him from being totally shunned by me is this:
GAY RAGE.
P.S. There are like, 800 of these things. Don't expect me to pick up the phone. 
P.P.S. I assume your beard knows what a hairbrush is. Use it.
HOT Body WEIRD Face: Zac Efron Edition
The Gay 90's: Burn her, throw her in the river!
We all did it, knew someone that did it, or knew vaguely of it. I'm not talking about meth, vogueing, spandex bike shorts, or secretly buying the NSYNC christmas album. No. I'm talking about WITCHCRAFT.
The 90's was a very huge time of learning identity. People were coming out, going back in the closet, species were being discovered (I was REALLY into dinosaurs, alright? Leave me alone). But the weirdest trend? TEEN WITCHCRAFT. Paganism, Wicca, earth mama, whatever you want to call it, witches were popping up all over the fucking place. Sidenote: One time I called a dude a warlock and was on the receiving end of the gayest rant ever about how Warlocks were actually evil or yada yada yada. I was TALKING about THIS Warlock, stupid.
Anyways, it did predate the whole "going green" thing didn't it? Nature. Treat others how you want to be treated. Don't harm no motherfuckers unless you want to go to the unspeakable place. Or something. Actually, as I remember, shit came back like, 1308103810 worse for you if you say, cast a spell where you willed someone to fall down a flight of stairs. I've been paying for that shit ever since 1997. DON'T CAST EVIL SPELLS. Of course nowadays, we lack nice witches. Everyone is into ghosts. Ghosthunting. Demons. Chip Coffey. It's all about the supernatural instead of paying attention to the natural shit around us. We have real lives to tend to. We don't have cameras and red lighting and gay mediums and all that shit. NO. Back then, all witches had was nature, elastic waist earth tone ankle skirts, ill-fitting tank tops, and hella books. THEY PREDATED THE INTERNET.
Which is why, readers, I PRAISE the 90's witch. They should be honored, presented with medals, given a gift certificate to a vegan/vegetarian friendly hip-but-not-too-hip bistro, and a hummer in a hummer. Those bitches knew how to apply beliefs to REAL LIFE instead of taking shit so literally.
Go on with your badass self, 90's witches.
Stevie Nicks - Edge Of Seventeen
The Knife - Rock Classics
Kate Bush - Waking The Witch
I seriously cannot say no to Chip Coffey.
Covers!
Since Grizzly Bear just covered Hot Chip's Boy From School, I thought a covers post was in order! I'm pretty sure everybody loves a good cover, so there's really not much else to say.
Covers!
Since Grizzly Bear just covered Hot Chip's Boy From School, I thought a covers post was in order! I'm pretty sure everybody loves a good cover, so there's really not much else to say.
Covers!
Since Grizzly Bear just covered Hot Chip's Boy From School, I thought a covers post was in order! I'm pretty sure everybody loves a good cover, so there's really not much else to say.