We all did it, knew someone that did it, or knew vaguely of it. I'm not talking about meth, vogueing, spandex bike shorts, or secretly buying the NSYNC christmas album. No. I'm talking about WITCHCRAFT.
The 90's was a very huge time of learning identity. People were coming out, going back in the closet, species were being discovered (I was REALLY into dinosaurs, alright? Leave me alone). But the weirdest trend? TEEN WITCHCRAFT. Paganism, Wicca, earth mama, whatever you want to call it, witches were popping up all over the fucking place. Sidenote: One time I called a dude a warlock and was on the receiving end of the gayest rant ever about how Warlocks were actually evil or yada yada yada. I was TALKING about THIS Warlock, stupid.
Anyways, it did predate the whole "going green" thing didn't it? Nature. Treat others how you want to be treated. Don't harm no motherfuckers unless you want to go to the unspeakable place. Or something. Actually, as I remember, shit came back like, 1308103810 worse for you if you say, cast a spell where you willed someone to fall down a flight of stairs. I've been paying for that shit ever since 1997. DON'T CAST EVIL SPELLS. Of course nowadays, we lack nice witches. Everyone is into ghosts. Ghosthunting. Demons. Chip Coffey. It's all about the supernatural instead of paying attention to the natural shit around us. We have real lives to tend to. We don't have cameras and red lighting and gay mediums and all that shit. NO. Back then, all witches had was nature, elastic waist earth tone ankle skirts, ill-fitting tank tops, and hella books. THEY PREDATED THE INTERNET.
Which is why, readers, I PRAISE the 90's witch. They should be honored, presented with medals, given a gift certificate to a vegan/vegetarian friendly hip-but-not-too-hip bistro, and a hummer in a hummer. Those bitches knew how to apply beliefs to REAL LIFE instead of taking shit so literally.
Go on with your badass self, 90's witches.
Stevie Nicks - Edge Of Seventeen
The Knife - Rock Classics
Kate Bush - Waking The Witch
I seriously cannot say no to Chip Coffey.
5 comments:
My sister was one of these... until she temporarily turned batshit insane and tried to stab me (No, really... and this begs the question: why did she use a knife and not a spell?)
clyde, i had a friend who convinced me there was a demon in the woods behind where we lived. withcraft has brought nothing but trouble and mass confusion to me. i totally sympathize.
-ty
My best friend and I just had temporary element symbol tattoos and we just pretended to be witches based on what we saw in the Craft. No really.
dear jenny,
AMAYZING.
"you know how to use candles?"
"yeah you light the wick"
I applaud you, dear. I'm one of those badass witches, you speak of. Nature, Earth, all that goodness. (To make you love me more, I'm totally lesbian.)
I love Chip Coffey.<3
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