Oh girl.
I couldn't even be bothered to make a post when you said "i love girls who are in love with me" To be honest, I felt a little baited. Are you mocking me, Kris? Proving me right? Love the gentle abuse?
Either way, the interview that appeared on "It's on with Alexa Chung" (I'm too old to know what this is, I think it's like TRL?, but I digress) is chock full of lezzie goodness, and you know just how to serve it. Dissection under the cut.
Let's examine:
Kristen Stewart says that when she was filming New Moon, she was listening to Joy Divison and Sia to keep her in mind set in the dark mood.
That's right, OUR Sia. JD Samson's adorable gf (and apparently she's super famous abroad). (as an aside, at the gossip/men show in October, I heard some annoying, know-nothing, 'i do whatever fashion magazines tell me to do' gay dude say "Oh, that's JT SomeSome. He's DJing at Berlin later". as well as the yuppies complaining that they didn't get the bikini kill reference. that show bummed me out!) Sia was so excited about this she posted it on her twitter.
She then mentions going parasailing with her "friend" Nikki Reed... who somehow manages to pee on her??
While watersports (meaning sports on the water, as well as peeing on your girl because you're freaky like that) aren't exclusively lesbian, managing to do BOTH at the same time gets you some MAJOR lezzie points. Maybe you two should teach a class at GoodVibes?
And then, for the goal, she is asked about her preference.... between vampires and wolves. This is a pretty obviously leading question. Vampires are so straight it's not even funny, and any pop-culture link between vampires and lesbians is just a heteronormative fantasy (see: Lesbian Vampire Killers). Straight men love the idea of lesbian vampires. Remember that Vampire sub-plot on the L word? That was the season when Showtime realized it had a show that was 90% women having sex, and they should be appealing to the real viewers, straight men.
Wolves, however? GAY. gay gay gay. What lesbian is complete without a wolf tattoo? Remember that huge "scandal" when those awesome dykes wrecked that one guy for fucking with them? They called them the Lesbian Wolf Pack". It's important to remember that wolves are pack animals. They raise their young in groups... not unlike those amazing separatist communes on the 70's (Do these still exist? Do you live in one? Can I move in with you?)
Check out the lez-fest here: (it starts at around 4:00)
and, as always, no celebrities were harmed or outed in the writing of this article. we love you girl, come to the dark side! We've got plenty of dream catchers!
Are you a little late to the party? Check out Parts I and II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Krsiten Stewart Dyke Watch Part II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch pt III
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch pt III
Oh girl.
I couldn't even be bothered to make a post when you said "i love girls who are in love with me" To be honest, I felt a little baited. Are you mocking me, Kris? Proving me right? Love the gentle abuse?
Either way, the interview that appeared on "It's on with Alexa Chung" (I'm too old to know what this is, I think it's like TRL?, but I digress) is chock full of lezzie goodness, and you know just how to serve it. Dissection under the cut.
Let's examine:
Kristen Stewart says that when she was filming New Moon, she was listening to Joy Divison and Sia to keep her in mind set in the dark mood.
That's right, OUR Sia. JD Samson's adorable gf (and apparently she's super famous abroad). (as an aside, at the gossip/men show in October, I heard some annoying, know-nothing, 'i do whatever fashion magazines tell me to do' gay dude say "Oh, that's JT SomeSome. He's DJing at Berlin later". as well as the yuppies complaining that they didn't get the bikini kill reference. that show bummed me out!) Sia was so excited about this she posted it on her twitter.
She then mentions going parasailing with her "friend" Nikki Reed... who somehow manages to pee on her??
While watersports (meaning sports on the water, as well as peeing on your girl because you're freaky like that) aren't exclusively lesbian, managing to do BOTH at the same time gets you some MAJOR lezzie points. Maybe you two should teach a class at GoodVibes?
And then, for the goal, she is asked about her preference.... between vampires and wolves. This is a pretty obviously leading question. Vampires are so straight it's not even funny, and any pop-culture link between vampires and lesbians is just a heteronormative fantasy (see: Lesbian Vampire Killers). Straight men love the idea of lesbian vampires. Remember that Vampire sub-plot on the L word? That was the season when Showtime realized it had a show that was 90% women having sex, and they should be appealing to the real viewers, straight men.
Wolves, however? GAY. gay gay gay. What lesbian is complete without a wolf tattoo? Remember that huge "scandal" when those awesome dykes wrecked that one guy for fucking with them? They called them the Lesbian Wolf Pack". It's important to remember that wolves are pack animals. They raise their young in groups... not unlike those amazing separatist communes on the 70's (Do these still exist? Do you live in one? Can I move in with you?)
Check out the lez-fest here: (it starts at around 4:00)
and, as always, no celebrities were harmed or outed in the writing of this article. we love you girl, come to the dark side! We've got plenty of dream catchers!
Are you a little late to the party? Check out Parts I and II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Krsiten Stewart Dyke Watch Part II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch pt III
Oh girl.
I couldn't even be bothered to make a post when you said "i love girls who are in love with me" To be honest, I felt a little baited. Are you mocking me, Kris? Proving me right? Love the gentle abuse?
Either way, the interview that appeared on "It's on with Alexa Chung" (I'm too old to know what this is, I think it's like TRL?, but I digress) is chock full of lezzie goodness, and you know just how to serve it. Dissection under the cut.
Let's examine:
Kristen Stewart says that when she was filming New Moon, she was listening to Joy Divison and Sia to keep her in mind set in the dark mood.
That's right, OUR Sia. JD Samson's adorable gf (and apparently she's super famous abroad). (as an aside, at the gossip/men show in October, I heard some annoying, know-nothing, 'i do whatever fashion magazines tell me to do' gay dude say "Oh, that's JT SomeSome. He's DJing at Berlin later". as well as the yuppies complaining that they didn't get the bikini kill reference. that show bummed me out!) Sia was so excited about this she posted it on her twitter.
She then mentions going parasailing with her "friend" Nikki Reed... who somehow manages to pee on her??
While watersports (meaning sports on the water, as well as peeing on your girl because you're freaky like that) aren't exclusively lesbian, managing to do BOTH at the same time gets you some MAJOR lezzie points. Maybe you two should teach a class at GoodVibes?
And then, for the goal, she is asked about her preference.... between vampires and wolves. This is a pretty obviously leading question. Vampires are so straight it's not even funny, and any pop-culture link between vampires and lesbians is just a heteronormative fantasy (see: Lesbian Vampire Killers). Straight men love the idea of lesbian vampires. Remember that Vampire sub-plot on the L word? That was the season when Showtime realized it had a show that was 90% women having sex, and they should be appealing to the real viewers, straight men.
Wolves, however? GAY. gay gay gay. What lesbian is complete without a wolf tattoo? Remember that huge "scandal" when those awesome dykes wrecked that one guy for fucking with them? They called them the Lesbian Wolf Pack". It's important to remember that wolves are pack animals. They raise their young in groups... not unlike those amazing separatist communes on the 70's (Do these still exist? Do you live in one? Can I move in with you?)
Check out the lez-fest here: (it starts at around 4:00)
and, as always, no celebrities were harmed or outed in the writing of this article. we love you girl, come to the dark side! We've got plenty of dream catchers!
Are you a little late to the party? Check out Parts I and II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Krsiten Stewart Dyke Watch Part II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch pt II
If you need to catch up, go check out "Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch"
New! Part 3! Dyke Watch the 3rd
Look who's playing "Two Truths and a Lie"??
In trying to squelch the rumors that she's dating co-beard Robert Pattinson, Miss Stewart says:
"There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Ok, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.' I’m just trying to keep something."
Listen toots. I've been in every awkward 'let's get to know each other' game EVER. Between being involved with theatre as a kid, going to a hippy college, and dabbling in yruu conferences, you can't get anything past me. I am a champion at 'Two Truths and a Lie'.
Plus, don't think I don't know all about 'joking' that you're gay! Coming out's a bitch, isn't it? it's so much easier to be a satire of yourself. 'Look at what a dyke I am! I am soooo gay for you... let's make out! JUST KIDDING noreallywannaholdhandsinmyroomandlistentosleaterkinney?'
Honey, honey, you'll be ok. You're what, 19? ouch. Just don't be like your BFF Jodie Foster and wait until you're 45 to come out publicly, only to immediately dump your gf. That was just really awkward for all of us.
Anyone wanna play 'Two Truths and a Lie' in the comments? I'm jonesing for some nerdy fun now.
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch pt II
If you need to catch up, go check out "Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch"
New! Part 3! Dyke Watch the 3rd
Look who's playing "Two Truths and a Lie"??
In trying to squelch the rumors that she's dating co-beard Robert Pattinson, Miss Stewart says:
"There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Ok, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.' I’m just trying to keep something."
Listen toots. I've been in every awkward 'let's get to know each other' game EVER. Between being involved with theatre as a kid, going to a hippy college, and dabbling in yruu conferences, you can't get anything past me. I am a champion at 'Two Truths and a Lie'.
Plus, don't think I don't know all about 'joking' that you're gay! Coming out's a bitch, isn't it? it's so much easier to be a satire of yourself. 'Look at what a dyke I am! I am soooo gay for you... let's make out! JUST KIDDING noreallywannaholdhandsinmyroomandlistentosleaterkinney?'
Honey, honey, you'll be ok. You're what, 19? ouch. Just don't be like your BFF Jodie Foster and wait until you're 45 to come out publicly, only to immediately dump your gf. That was just really awkward for all of us.
Anyone wanna play 'Two Truths and a Lie' in the comments? I'm jonesing for some nerdy fun now.
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch pt II
If you need to catch up, go check out "Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch"
New! Part 3! Dyke Watch the 3rd
Look who's playing "Two Truths and a Lie"??
In trying to squelch the rumors that she's dating co-beard Robert Pattinson, Miss Stewart says:
"There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Ok, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.' I’m just trying to keep something."
Listen toots. I've been in every awkward 'let's get to know each other' game EVER. Between being involved with theatre as a kid, going to a hippy college, and dabbling in yruu conferences, you can't get anything past me. I am a champion at 'Two Truths and a Lie'.
Plus, don't think I don't know all about 'joking' that you're gay! Coming out's a bitch, isn't it? it's so much easier to be a satire of yourself. 'Look at what a dyke I am! I am soooo gay for you... let's make out! JUST KIDDING noreallywannaholdhandsinmyroomandlistentosleaterkinney?'
Honey, honey, you'll be ok. You're what, 19? ouch. Just don't be like your BFF Jodie Foster and wait until you're 45 to come out publicly, only to immediately dump your gf. That was just really awkward for all of us.
Anyone wanna play 'Two Truths and a Lie' in the comments? I'm jonesing for some nerdy fun now.
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Every few years, a young, budding celebrity comes along that makes our gaydars tick with excitement. Ellen Page, Zac Efron, Raven Simone, we've got our eyes on you. Lindsay Lohan, we spotted you back in your Parent Trap days. All the post-coming out 'I told you so's are getting a little tired.
This brings us to Kristen Stewart. When you came on the scene, I got a little funny feeling. As you've began to blossom and grow from tween star and full fledged actress, I've had my eye on you. Why was I finding you attractive, I don't like straight girls... I knew there was something funny going on there, but I just couldn't place in. It light of recent events, Kristen Stewart, I have no choice but to put you on Dyke Watch.
Click the cut for Part One of our in depth examination
So first of all, I want to make it clear that I don't believe hanging out with lesbians will turn you into one.
What I am saying, however, is that hanging out with Jodie Foster definitely will. In 2002, at the age of 12, Kristen Stewart played Jodie's young daughter in the film Panic Room. Also of note, Jodie Foster played the lead in Freaky Friday 27 years before Lindsay Lohan starred in the remake. Coincidence? I think not. Jodie Foster obviously controls the underground teenage lesbian Hollywood scene. Abigail Breslin, take note.
Let's take a better look at Miss Stewart in this film:
That is a gaybie if I ever did see one. I'm sure every budding lesbian has a similar portrait, I know I do. The Syd Vicious shirt really puts it over the edge there. Also, note that the year is 2002. Why is she wearing a t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt? Lesbians do love their layers, you know. Sensible, fashionable, and ready to adapt to any weather that may occur during your hiking trip.
They say that if your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a dyke. It's hard to tell from the angle, but this picture looks pretty clear - that is one short index finger. Shown here in comparison to her well adjusted, heterosexual co-star Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart's fingers tell the truth.
So maybe you don't believe in Science. Well, then just tell me that these aren't the hands of a lesbian : 
Is that a bowling shirt she's wearing? Everybody knows that lesbians love bowling. Lesbians love all sports, really, but more than sports, they like sports apparel.
Kristen Stewart looks ready for rugby in her knee socks, doesn't she? Or maybe she's more the roller derby type...
So what else do lesbians like?
SMOKING WEED
Duh. It's natural, sometimes organic, in Amsterdam you can buy it at coffee shops, and, oh yeah, it gets you stoned. I bet K-Stew is wishing she had a girlfriend to make her cookies and pizza snacks...
Good thing she has one (or supposedly "had" one, these two haven't been seen in public for quite a while) See, the holding hands I could let slide. Girls love that shit. Holding hands while wearing a blazer? Might as well be carrying a pride flag, dear.
You might say "But wait! Isn't she dating that nice boy from Twilight? The sparkly one?"
Obviously, this is the face of a happy, heterosexual couple. They are totally in love and have lots and lots of sex. With each other.
Unless you've been living under a rock, or have better things to do than look at celebrity gossip constantly, you know that Kristen Stewart is currently in production for the Runaways biopic, playing Joan Jett. 
I mean.. what else can I even say? It's almost too easy to go after her for this bold transformation, so I'll just leave it at that. Kristen Stewart and Joan Jett are bff now. Again, not saying that hanging out with lesbians makes you gay, but I'm pretty sure Joan Jett could turn Sarah Palin out.
Kristen Stewart. Oh Kristen. Can I call you Kris? We love you! We want you! We could really use a new girl on our team (I'm getting a little bored with Shmindsay Shmohan...) Whenever you're ready, we'll be here with birkenstocks to spare. Until then, girl, I've got my gaydar set to 'baby-dyke'.
Please note: This is a work of satire. No celebrities or future lesbians were harmed or outed in the writing of this post. Don't sue me, Kris.
Snap Guys! Check out Part II!
New! Now there's a Part III!
Part IV!
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Every few years, a young, budding celebrity comes along that makes our gaydars tick with excitement. Ellen Page, Zac Efron, Raven Simone, we've got our eyes on you. Lindsay Lohan, we spotted you back in your Parent Trap days. All the post-coming out 'I told you so's are getting a little tired.
This brings us to Kristen Stewart. When you came on the scene, I got a little funny feeling. As you've began to blossom and grow from tween star and full fledged actress, I've had my eye on you. Why was I finding you attractive, I don't like straight girls... I knew there was something funny going on there, but I just couldn't place in. It light of recent events, Kristen Stewart, I have no choice but to put you on Dyke Watch.
Click the cut for Part One of our in depth examination
So first of all, I want to make it clear that I don't believe hanging out with lesbians will turn you into one.
What I am saying, however, is that hanging out with Jodie Foster definitely will. In 2002, at the age of 12, Kristen Stewart played Jodie's young daughter in the film Panic Room. Also of note, Jodie Foster played the lead in Freaky Friday 27 years before Lindsay Lohan starred in the remake. Coincidence? I think not. Jodie Foster obviously controls the underground teenage lesbian Hollywood scene. Abigail Breslin, take note.
Let's take a better look at Miss Stewart in this film:
That is a gaybie if I ever did see one. I'm sure every budding lesbian has a similar portrait, I know I do. The Syd Vicious shirt really puts it over the edge there. Also, note that the year is 2002. Why is she wearing a t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt? Lesbians do love their layers, you know. Sensible, fashionable, and ready to adapt to any weather that may occur during your hiking trip.
They say that if your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a dyke. It's hard to tell from the angle, but this picture looks pretty clear - that is one short index finger. Shown here in comparison to her well adjusted, heterosexual co-star Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart's fingers tell the truth.
So maybe you don't believe in Science. Well, then just tell me that these aren't the hands of a lesbian :
Is that a bowling shirt she's wearing? Everybody knows that lesbians love bowling. Lesbians love all sports, really, but more than sports, they like sports apparel.
Kristen Stewart looks ready for rugby in her knee socks, doesn't she? Or maybe she's more the roller derby type...
So what else do lesbians like?
SMOKING WEED
Duh. It's natural, sometimes organic, in Amsterdam you can buy it at coffee shops, and, oh yeah, it gets you stoned. I bet K-Stew is wishing she had a girlfriend to make her cookies and pizza snacks...
Good thing she has one (or supposedly "had" one, these two haven't been seen in public for quite a while) See, the holding hands I could let slide. Girls love that shit. Holding hands while wearing a blazer? Might as well be carrying a pride flag, dear.
You might say "But wait! Isn't she dating that nice boy from Twilight? The sparkly one?"
Obviously, this is the face of a happy, heterosexual couple. They are totally in love and have lots and lots of sex. With each other.
Unless you've been living under a rock, or have better things to do than look at celebrity gossip constantly, you know that Kristen Stewart is currently in production for the Runaways biopic, playing Joan Jett.
I mean.. what else can I even say? It's almost too easy to go after her for this bold transformation, so I'll just leave it at that. Kristen Stewart and Joan Jett are bff now. Again, not saying that hanging out with lesbians makes you gay, but I'm pretty sure Joan Jett could turn Sarah Palin out.
Kristen Stewart. Oh Kristen. Can I call you Kris? We love you! We want you! We could really use a new girl on our team (I'm getting a little bored with Shmindsay Shmohan...) Whenever you're ready, we'll be here with birkenstocks to spare. Until then, girl, I've got my gaydar set to 'baby-dyke'.
Please note: This is a work of satire. No celebrities or future lesbians were harmed or outed in the writing of this post. Don't sue me, Kris.
Snap Guys! Check out Part II!
New! Now there's a Part III!
Part IV!
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Every few years, a young, budding celebrity comes along that makes our gaydars tick with excitement. Ellen Page, Zac Efron, Raven Simone, we've got our eyes on you. Lindsay Lohan, we spotted you back in your Parent Trap days. All the post-coming out 'I told you so's are getting a little tired.
This brings us to Kristen Stewart. When you came on the scene, I got a little funny feeling. As you've began to blossom and grow from tween star and full fledged actress, I've had my eye on you. Why was I finding you attractive, I don't like straight girls... I knew there was something funny going on there, but I just couldn't place in. It light of recent events, Kristen Stewart, I have no choice but to put you on Dyke Watch.
Click the cut for Part One of our in depth examination
So first of all, I want to make it clear that I don't believe hanging out with lesbians will turn you into one.
What I am saying, however, is that hanging out with Jodie Foster definitely will. In 2002, at the age of 12, Kristen Stewart played Jodie's young daughter in the film Panic Room. Also of note, Jodie Foster played the lead in Freaky Friday 27 years before Lindsay Lohan starred in the remake. Coincidence? I think not. Jodie Foster obviously controls the underground teenage lesbian Hollywood scene. Abigail Breslin, take note.
Let's take a better look at Miss Stewart in this film:
That is a gaybie if I ever did see one. I'm sure every budding lesbian has a similar portrait, I know I do. The Syd Vicious shirt really puts it over the edge there. Also, note that the year is 2002. Why is she wearing a t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt? Lesbians do love their layers, you know. Sensible, fashionable, and ready to adapt to any weather that may occur during your hiking trip.
They say that if your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a dyke. It's hard to tell from the angle, but this picture looks pretty clear - that is one short index finger. Shown here in comparison to her well adjusted, heterosexual co-star Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart's fingers tell the truth.
So maybe you don't believe in Science. Well, then just tell me that these aren't the hands of a lesbian :
Is that a bowling shirt she's wearing? Everybody knows that lesbians love bowling. Lesbians love all sports, really, but more than sports, they like sports apparel.
Kristen Stewart looks ready for rugby in her knee socks, doesn't she? Or maybe she's more the roller derby type...
So what else do lesbians like?
SMOKING WEED
Duh. It's natural, sometimes organic, in Amsterdam you can buy it at coffee shops, and, oh yeah, it gets you stoned. I bet K-Stew is wishing she had a girlfriend to make her cookies and pizza snacks...
Good thing she has one (or supposedly "had" one, these two haven't been seen in public for quite a while) See, the holding hands I could let slide. Girls love that shit. Holding hands while wearing a blazer? Might as well be carrying a pride flag, dear.
You might say "But wait! Isn't she dating that nice boy from Twilight? The sparkly one?"
Obviously, this is the face of a happy, heterosexual couple. They are totally in love and have lots and lots of sex. With each other.
Unless you've been living under a rock, or have better things to do than look at celebrity gossip constantly, you know that Kristen Stewart is currently in production for the Runaways biopic, playing Joan Jett.
I mean.. what else can I even say? It's almost too easy to go after her for this bold transformation, so I'll just leave it at that. Kristen Stewart and Joan Jett are bff now. Again, not saying that hanging out with lesbians makes you gay, but I'm pretty sure Joan Jett could turn Sarah Palin out.
Kristen Stewart. Oh Kristen. Can I call you Kris? We love you! We want you! We could really use a new girl on our team (I'm getting a little bored with Shmindsay Shmohan...) Whenever you're ready, we'll be here with birkenstocks to spare. Until then, girl, I've got my gaydar set to 'baby-dyke'.
Please note: This is a work of satire. No celebrities or future lesbians were harmed or outed in the writing of this post. Don't sue me, Kris.
Snap Guys! Check out Part II!
New! Now there's a Part III!
Part IV!
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V