Homoflexible

Posted by YoungCreature / at 10:38 AM / /

I have a weird internal problem with a lot of gay musicians which somehow I have identified with sappy, woe-is-me ballady crap (Rufus Wainwright anyone? I cannot for the life of me get into that man's music). It's terrible, I know, and it just make me look like a homophobic homo. I really don't hate myself, I love ballads, so why can't I get over this weird stigma that has materialized itself in my crazy head? Because when I boil it all down, it just plain sucks. The melodies are terrible, the voices usually bother me in some way or another (Too nasally, too femmey, too coffeehouse with all the annoying weird vocal ticks thrown in, I'm talking to you Ani Difranco). I sound like a total asshole right? Especially since I make lo-fi shoegaze pop and I'm guilty of the same shit! It's awful, I know.

Lately, a trend has begun to emerge where things are just finally clicking. Patrick Wolf makes me want to kiss his toes. I want to go down on Dan Gillespie Sells. I even want to braid Ani Difranco's hair and order her a pizza. What is going on? In my somewhat radical youth, being queer and politically active had become more associated with standing out, creating a scene, and not being entirely sure of what scene I wanted to create or what the whole point of it was. The truth is, I just wanted to be seen and popular. I look back on that and chide myself on creating an ideal of what queer was. There will always be a spectrum of queer art out there, and while I may not like all of it, I should respect and be grateful for it being out there (especially now since I've become the most boring queer on the planet). Which brings me to this burning hunk of love named Chris Garneau...

His music makes me want to wet my bed and love it, and at the same time jump up and down and hi-five people. I don't quite get it, but that's ok. It's pop music at the end of the day. Plus he's put his record out on Absolutely Kosher Records (who have put out records by Xiu Xiu, Goblin Cock, Optiganally Yours, The Hidden Cameras, +/-, and other left-field indie pop acts), who I absolutely ADORE. Maybe it's a sign I'm getting older. Or less picky. I cannot stop listening to this man. Of course, if you know me, my first reaction was "WTF IS THIS CRAP?". I absolutely hated it. I had randomly come across him on like, I dunno, Pitchfork or some other stupid snarky hipster blog, but whatever that's besides the point. I love Chris Garneau and I have formally put together a public apology letter. It goes like this:

Dear Chris Garneau,

I am sorry that I couldn't sit through a 4 minute music video of your song "Relief". I am sorry that I am a stupid hipster asshole and called you a dumb bedwetter (Not out loud, just in my mind). Most of all, I am sorry that I came to my own conclusion too quickly. Now I love you. If you ever need anyone to record back up vocals for free, contact me and I will teleport my ass to wherever you are. I can also cook real good for you. That's not me being creepy and hitting on you through an open letter, BTW.

Sincerely,
Micah

Chris Garneau - Not Nice

Chris Garneau - Between The Bars (Elliott Smith cover)
(MP3 courtesy of Stereogum)

Y'all should buy his albums, they're totes good.